I think we are about to do something stupid. We are planning to have an In Vitro fertilization procedure done this month. As some of you know, the wife's biological clock is ticking and I really want a baby, boy or girl I really don't care at this point.
The cost for this procedure is somewhere around $16,000 dollars!! Yes, that's a lot of money and money that, as you probably already know we don't have. Over the last two years we've spent most of our savings (10 to 15k). We've charged up the credit cards again and we can't seem to control our spending. The income is good but it just becomes a number in bank account that comes and goes. It feels like most of this reckless spending over the last couple of years has been due to infertility. It sounds crazy but it was a lot easier to take a vacation than to have to deal with the stress of friends and family having kids left and right (baby showers kill the wife).
I simply cannot take it anymore and part of me knows this is not going to work. So the plan is go in to more debt and see what happens. I'm looking at this as a new car I'm not going to buy or that next vacation we're not going to take. My only fear is that we won't conceive, we will have more debt and once again go crazy and spend money we don't have in order to heal some of the pain and stress infertility can cause.
Nothing good has happened over the last couple of years. Seems like things used to happen for a reason but not anymore. Life was always good. I got a decent car at 16. I graduated from high school with a diploma. I went to college, a very good university. Luck seemed to be on my side. In 2002 I graduated with a Bachelors degree in MIS. I had great job, made a lot of friends but decided to leave for a company with better pay. Three years later, again I left that company for more pay. During that time, I married the only woman who's ever going to love me. We bought a house, picked up Golden Retriever along the way... Things were going the way they were 'supposed' to go.
2007 came around and it was that time, it was supposed to be our time. My best friend had a baby, people at work were having babies, people in our family were 'accidentally' having babies. Cousins, brothers, sisters, even ex girlfriends wanted to let me know they had a baby! It was our time. Everything pointed to us having a baby. All the signs, symptoms, god, nature, you name it- it was supposed to happen BUT it never did.
If you read back a few months, I even offended fellow bloggers and was very rude to some people. Anger and envy set it, something I don't ever want to experience again. So I had a WTF was I thinking moment and simply stopped caring. I didn't care about work, our house, our dog etc. Over time we found things to focus on but the spending, drinking, partying went on... and here I am today in the same boat.
I don't know how to end this post, will it work? will it fail? will something good happen? who knows... all I know is we are about to add new debt- a lot of debt.
1 day ago