LBC Teacher said in one of the comments: You had the debt talk! I'm impressed and want to hear more about it!
Yes, we had the talk. It was during one or our nightly walks. The wife and I try to walk four nights a week to keep the heart healthy and let the dog burn some energy. We were talking about all the fertility treatments and how we had just charged close to $1,400 on the credit card (more on that later) and I casually said, “well you know we really need to watch our spending for the next few months, our credit card balance is close to 7,000” and she said “I know that’s what I figured”. I was expecting a big argument or the usual “why didn’t you tell me!!” or a huge fight. Instead she told me she figured it was that high since we had to replace the air conditioning unit in the house and the recent Vegas trips. I also mentioned Discover had a “bit of a balance” and the only thing she said was well “let’s get serious the next few months and pay this off again”.
THANK GOD! I feel like a huge weight was lifted of my shoulders. I really wasn’t going to say anything but at the same time I felt bad leaving her in the dark. If something happened to me and she found out I was hiding $12,000 worth of credit card debt it would not look good.
So we kept talking and I asked if she had any expenses coming up that we needed to plan for. I was looking for things that teachers buy before school starts but she said that since she’s going to a new school, everything that first year is given to the teachers. They get to pick their own books, posters, rugs, games, center pieces etc. and the school pays. The only school related expenses we see are buying supplies for kids whose parents either don’t care or can’t afford them. We usually buy 10 of everything like crayons, scissors and glue and she gives them out to students. One year she had to buy a back pack for a student, that student was so grateful that to this day it feels like one of the best school purchases we ever made.
She also agreed to not buy any new clothes or shoes. Usually teachers also go back to school shopping for clothes, but she said she has everything she needs. We agreed to set aside $100 for her hair every six weeks and $50 for nails and pedicures every three weeks. Of course if pregnancy is on the horizon, she will cut out both of those for the next nine months.
So the wife is aware of the credit card debt! We both agreed to pay at least $1,000 a month and avoid spending money on things we don’t need. I can afford an extra $1,000 per month but we have so many birthdays and expenses coming up that I think I will use some of that money instead of charging things to the credit card.
HS
Hump Day
2 hours ago
18 comments:
I am looking forward to hearing the progress you two make together.
Jolie, TY Things have changed... I think we are both on the same page now.
HS
I'm shocked. ;) But I said I would give kudos if there was a real indication of change ... and here you are. So kudos on the communication.
I'd suggest that you plan out the birthdays and events that you have coming up and set a spending limit for each of them ahead of time. If you know what you *can* spend going in, you'll be able to make better choices when the event gets here.
Frugal,
I feel like there's change, I can see she's serious about the spending like I am.
Yes I'm planning ahead, we have a few people turning 60 in our family so I'm sure they're expecting at least 100 gifts each...
HS
I have to say I really hate? loathe? (not sure of word choice) people who EXPECT gifts.
I agree and forget things like mother's day and father's day!
This is great news. I really hope you guys can follow through and it might be easier now that you are on the same page.
Give them something less than what they expect, I promise the world won't end if you spend within your budget.
Hey another Misty! well the other one is Mysti from Digging out from our mess, but still that's so coo!!
HS
With all due respect, I am glad that you had this discussion with your wife, however, you need to have the same with your family. They CANNOT expect you to keep up the extravagant gifts. This needs to stop!
Really, who expects a $100 gift? If your relationship with that person is based on love then a lesser gift would still be appreciated.
How about the gift of time? Or cooking a complete meal for that person? You can get so many ideas online of nice, yet frugal gifts.
Glad you and wife talked, but a written plan you both agree on will have better results than just trying to pay it off quickly.
It's family... it's complicated
HS
That sounds like it went well! Just goes to show openness doesn't usually cause problems. You were so worried and she was fine! :) Sounds like you're back on the right track!
Sounds like you have made some positive steps forward! Good for you! I agree with Misty. Give them something a little bit less than what they expect. Or look for great sales! Sometimes you can find a great discount on something that should normally cost $100, but was 25% off or something like that. They won't know.
Congrats--this is a great, positive step! I've been reading your blog for a while, but I'm not sure how much I've ever commented.
I agree with all of the other posters who have advocated a plan. You have to plan, no matter how hard it is/seems. Set up a budget and try your best to stick with it (it will be hard at first). But write it down, balance it out--a mental picture is too hard to keep track of.
As far as the gifts and family issues, I've witnessed this through an ex BF's family--they constantly spent above their means to impress each other (and keep some sort of crazy facade for the rest of their family, friends, and neighbors). Eventually, my ex began to stand his ground, much to the dismay and vocal protest from his mother & sister. But he kept with it and now has no problem giving small gifts that require money and huge gifts that require time or sentiment. Moral of the story is that it may not be easy or fun, but it CAN be done. Good luck!!
Congrats on the talk. Thank you for the kindness of teachers.
Oh goody we're now in the maniac phase of your financial bipolar disorder.
For those of you not paying attention over the last year or so, in this phase he gets back on his meds (a vague budget), gets his problems back in line (debt down) and bragging announces himself cured once and for all.
Unfortunately, like a true bipolar, once he gets the dose right and his debt near 0, he convinces himself he doesn't need the meds (a budget) any more. Cue the depressive phase where he buys an Ipad 3, signs an unbreakable lease on a Benz and starts pissing money away again justifying it because he's doing so well with money now and can handle it.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
I agree with the others you don't have to spend a lot of money on gifts. My sister is getting married next week and we are giving her "The Richest Man in Babylon" and "The Total Money Makeover". I went to her bridal shower last night and instead of buying another gift I gave her laundry detergent, spot remover, and softner sheets from my laundry room.
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