Discover Card:
Citi Thank You:
Citi Forward:
So after adding it all up, the numbers above come out to $11,316.
This number is actually $11,216 since I made a payment of $100 to Discover last night but it's not posted yet. As you can see we love to charge, we have no problems spending but as responsible adults we always pay back. I think we've had higher credit card debt in the past so I'm confident I can bring this number down. The wife is not aware of this number so hopefully I can pay it down quickly... I know hiding debt from a spouse is bad but she's never asked, I say things like we need to watch our spending and she smiles.
I will be posting the numbers every couple of weeks, I have a couple of things like fertility drugs coming up that may impact the payments but rest assured, we are spending less and any extra money that I find will go towards debt.
Have a good weekend!
HS
23 comments:
Proud of you for finally coming to terms with the reality - don't LET her smile and nod anymore, it's time to get serious. All you have to do is leave these screens up and she'll see the situation needs to be addressed.
Good luck, H!
If these are joint cards then it is joint debt. If she is spending then she should be looking at the results of the spending.
Thanks Ronnie but like I said she's not aware of the nums :( or even the blog.
Jolie, the Discover card is hers and the Citi cards are mine, she's authorized user on the Forward card and I'm on her Discover card.. The Citi Thank You card is in my name only.
HS
You need to let your wife know - that's not a healthy way to lead your marriage and that's certainly not a situation you want to bring a child in to. I really enjoy reading your blog but I'm concerned that you're not being honest with your wife. If you're afraid of how she'll react, then it's not time to have a child with her either. Probably sound judgemental since I don't know you from Adam but take it from me - hiding debt from the person you're supposed to love and trust the most is no way to live your life. www.picturemedebtfree.blogspot.com
E,
I'm not really hiding it.. I'm just not talking about it. I know it doesn't sound right but I have a plan, pay it down and then open up more about the finances... I don't want her to think I couldn't handle things. I can make this work. In 5 to 6 months, I will let her know.
Glad to see you live in Houston!!
HS
Please think about what you're doing - you're hiding debt from the person you're getting ready to share genes with. A little person, who will look up to you and learn from you. Do you want to teach that future child that it's okay to lie to the person you love the most? Probably not. Suck it up and share your debt with your woman! What are you going to lose? If you lose your wife because she can't handle it, then that's not the person you should be starting a family with either.
I don't know you and apologize for sounding so judgemental but you're setting your family up to lie to each other and I know deep in your heart, that's not the kind of marriage you probably want or deserve.
www.picturemedebtfree.blogspot.com
E!
Don't use those kind of words lol... I will think about it I promise..
HS
Here's the deal - I was in the same position that your wife is now. We were spending too much, my husband was trying to manage the bills, and it was stressing him out like crazy. All the time, I knew that something was wrong, I just didn't know what.
Unless your wife is completely not tuned into you, I suspect that she is also aware that something is wrong. It may come as a relief to her to hear that it is just a finance thing. I realize that we have a lot of cultural baggage about men and money and relationships, but one of the real joys of marriage is that you have someone who knows all your flaws and loves you anyway. I'd let her know where you are at and give her a chance to help - she may surprise you with some good ideas to get the debt paid down.
Yes, you need to include your wife, being that she spends as frivolous as you do. And if you are planning to bring a child into your lives, it is time to curb that spending, because trust me, she is going to want only the best for the baby, and it WILL get expensive. You think you have debt NOW - just wait. Time to cut the cord (no pun intended)
Ah yes, the once every 6 weeks cycle of freakout about the debt.
I give it 3 weeks before you've dropped a couple hundred on booze with your friends, bought some expensive electronic do-dad you don't need, or otherwise racked up the cards again.
Then you'll excuse it with "well that's life" and the cycle will start all over again.
Hi!. My debt/money needed is:
$1,200 must have by Nov. 1st
$217 dentist
$750 Mastercard
$100 Kohl's charge
$2267
My thoughts for you are:
-create budget (which I think you already have)
-live very frugally
-try and live on your paycheck alone
-use wife's paycheck for savings and debt
-by the time she has a baby you should be debt free (except mortgage) and have 6 months in emergency fund then wife can stay home from work if she chooses to care for baby as you both will be used to living on one check
Based on your "she hasn't asked" logic, does this mean that you could cheat on her and your marriage would be just fine as long as she doesn't ask about it? I'm kind of afraid of how you'll answer that...
Is hiding debt the same as cheating?
Obviously not the same, but still dishonest. My point is that you should tell her. Stop using her ignorance as an excuse.
Is hiding debt the same as cheating?
Let's see, you're hiding something from her that you know would upset her if she found out the situation.
You're lying about it because you know she'd be upset if you told her the truth.
What your doing could harm her if something happened to you, it could harm your family, and your potential unborn child.
Is that the same as cheating?
I dunno, only you can answer that for yourself. I know what my answer is.
Well she's charging with me and she also swipes the cards so it's not like cheating... besides I just need a few months to get things under control... after that we can have a talk but right now 11,000 is a lot of debt!!
HS
You obviously don't get it... swiping the card isn't what I'm comparing to cheating. It's the dishonesty. The point of telling her about your joint financial situation is so that you two can work through it together. You're doing her a disservice by not keeping her in the loop. She obviously has a thing or two to learn about financial responsibility, too.
You're going to do what you're going to do, so good luck with whatever that is.
Well, I wouldn't equate it to cheating. But I will say this: a good marriage should be a team effort. You should tell her so you can work as a team to pay it down. Even if you end up paying it all back by yourself, the issues that caused the debt are still there. She, at least, will still be spending the same because she is unaware of the situation you are in, or the amount of debt piling up. You just need a game plan. And then you need to tell her so you can both be part of the game plan and both be on the same page.
And $11K sounds like a lot, but it could be a lot worse. Three years ago I started at $25K in Credit Card debt alone. And in that time, I have paid down $20K, with only $5K left. And let me tell you, the more honest I have been with myself, and the ones I loved in my life, the easier it all got to pay down.
Even with a great game plan, $11K might take years to pay off. If so, you need to let you wife in on the plan. Map it out together. Use it as something that can strenghten your marriage. Turn this negative into a positive for you and your wife.
Thank you Jessica, you don't make me feel guilty about it like some people lol
HS
Maybe if you reframe your thinking about the whole telling your wife thing you'd see it the way I think some of us see your situation. This is going to come out a little insulting (maybe) but I think by now you have a pretty thick skin ;)
For the past couple of months you've been saying "once I get things under control" or "once I pay off some of the debt" or "when things are better in a few months..." then you'll tell your wife. You don't want her to think you can't handle the money, so you want to improve the situation before you tell her.
But I think the truth is....you kind of CAN'T handle the money. You just aren't that good at it.Truthfully, I'm really not good with money either. Which in itself is not that big of a problem, as long as you recognize this flaw and work around it, which is what I try to do. I've been working at it for a few years now and I've gotten better but I'm still not a naturally thrifty person.
Point being, maybe if you and your wife work on it together, you can help each other. You obviously don't see hiding the debt as dishonest, so people trying to convince you it's dishonest is useless; but you need help with this and your wife should be the one to help you. Look at it as a project you can work on together.
What I don't understand is, since your wife also charges things, does she think the cards are paid in full each month? How does she think you are able to pay them? I just really can't imagine charging whatever I wanted and then thinking it was my husbands job to make the bill disappear. Or does she mind having revolving debt?
Tina
I'm not going to tell you to tell your wife, but if you did, she might take it better than you think she would. She may even get on board with getting it paid off.
No pressure though... I don't judge anyone else's marriage. Good luck with everything!
At this point I really don't know what to do...
HS
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