OK I'll admit, all of the sudden freaking out a bit... we are back in debt and things are not looking so good. This morning I pulled all the numbers and I don't like what I see:
Citi Forward: $5660
Citi Thank You: $2100
Discover Card: $4,700
I don't even want to add it up on here.... I'm afraid it will be over 10K.
I'm stressed out, I can't sleep, I fear losing my job and everything I have. Anxiety has set in but I have to remind myself that we've been here before. Look at the start of this blog and our balances were much higher.
I'm also afraid to tell the wife... I think she thinks we have around $4,000 to $5,000 in credit card debt but I refuse to talk about it or bring it up.
Things that need to be cut out:
Ebay and Paypal: I admit, I'm an Ebay addict. I can find stuff cheap on Ebay and I want it, hard to explain but I'm going to cut this out. I think I've spent close to $1,000 on Ebay for stuff I really don't need over the last 6 months.
Partying: Need to stop going out with friends and to cut back on drinking. Sounds easy but as soon as I don't go out for a couple of weeks I feel like I'm missing out on life... I need to understand that I'm turning 32 this year and normal 32 year olds don't go out til 5 AM on the weekends and ring up $150 bar tabs!
Lunch: I used to be really good about bringing my lunch to work but lately I find myself spending close to $50 a week eating out. I need to set a budget in this area and maybe allow myself $15.00 per week to eat out.
Gas: OUCH... the 4Runner is currently eating around $75 dollars in gas every 8 to 10 days. My car takes around $50 every 7 days... I've started taking the bus to work more often but each bus trip costs $7.50 per day... not sure how to spend less here.
Shopping: I don't need any more clothes, designer watches, sunglasses, golf and tennis or running equipment... I need to stop buying stuff. I have everthing I need. Need to remind the wife she has everything she needs. Most of the stuff we buy are 'wants' not 'needs'.
The plan: I've worked the numbers and I calculated that we can pay off $2,000 per month if I work on the stuff above. I've also started looking around the house and selling stuff we don't need. The only reason I'm going to allow myself to use Ebay is to sell stuff. This week I sold an old wallet my wife had for $25. I plan to keep all the money on PayPal and make a lump sum payment back to the credit card.
I will be accountable, look for numbers and progress on paying down this debt. I want to look back at this post and never find myself in this situation again.
Pray for me... I'm desperate..
HS
Hump Day
2 hours ago
36 comments:
Sweetheart, forget being at $10k, you're OVER $12k. Don't deny it, that doesn't help. For the love of god. CUT. THE. BLOODY. CARDS. You haven't learned. You can't handle credit cards. End of story. Tell your wife it's over. She wants to spend, cash only or her little bank account. No more credit cards. Shred them. Throw them away. Forget the numbers. Forget the phone numbers. No mas dude. It's much harder to modify your behavior when credit cards are accessible. Learn from EVERYONE else who's done this successfully. Not ONE person got out of debt the right way while having access to credit cards. Destroy them or they destroy you.
Feeling the same way this morning. The first step is realizing the problem. Second step is making a plan. You're already there.
Don't stress (easier said than done). Worrying will not make a problem go away. Take small bites out of the debt and it will go away.
And gas is a killer right now. We bought a diesel truck when diesel used to be cheap. Now it costs $100 to fill up. Ugh. Don't want to think about it. At least it's paid off.
Hang in there, dude.
Mutant, I know but it's hard, I just don't know how to tell the wife... I feel like I don't want to make this worse. Anyhow... thanks for advice, know there's a special place for you in my heart :) and I love your name!! don't ask how I found out lol
HS
Kelly! I admire you, thank you for the advice! somehow I feel better lol
HS
I really hope you can make a plan and stick with it. I have been reading your blog and it seems like you have the best intentions, but you have no follow through.
I really think you should talk to your wife. She might be feeling the same way as you and might think you don't want to change. But even if she isn't feeling that way you should still talk, both of your futures are at stake. If you can get her to work on a plan with you, it will make it soo much easier. I promise.
Talk to your wife, she needs to know!
Cut up the credit cards and live on cash!
Add up your debt and make a plan to get it paid off in 3-4 years!
Make a budget that balances!
Slowly build up an emergency fund -
$50-100/month will add up in time!
You need to tell her where things stand. Not just "stop spending." If she doesn't have a context, she will just think you are being a pain in the butt.
Stop the secrets...they destroy marriages.
It's kind of hard to be sympathetic given your last months worth of posts.
April 1 - $300 on a purse
April 11 - $100 on booze
April 29 - $300 for a white iPhone
May 9 - $300 on mother's day
I highly suspect that's a mere fraction of the money you've actually spent. Given what you've said on your blog, there's probably a LOT more spending on alcohol and eating out and on unnecessary stuff than you've specifically mentioned.
And every time someone says to you in comments that this is excessive, your response is: That's life. You make excuses and you rationalize the spending, saying you "had" to spend it.
Until you stop making excuses for yourself with "that's life", until you come clean with your wife and get on the same page together, until you begin acting like a responsible adult .. you're going to replay this same scenario over and over and over again.
HS - Thank you for waking up. At least I hope you have. Now it is time to have this discussion with the wife. No more trips to Vegas for her. No more shopping spree. No more $300 Coach purses. No more $300 Mother's Day celebrations. If they don't like it, let them throw a temper tantrum. It's okay. You're in debt. If they can't understand that, too freaking bad. They need to be supportive and not have such high expectations. And speaking of high expectation, you and your wife need to lower yours. Start living within your means. Enough said.
Hey I just saw this somewhere else and I think this might work for you and your wife. It's a pretty subtle way of keeping the areas you have problems with out in focus.
http://mollyonmoney.com/2011/05/13/white-board-update-april/
And now I'm totally curious about how you know my name LOL
You need to tell your wife. She uses the cards too right? Hiding it won't help either will avoiding it. If you cut down like you stated you should pay it off pretty fast. Don't just blame yourself either, your wife seems to like expensive stuff too.
I think your best option is to put $1,000 a month on emergency fund, and $1,000 a month on debt (you said you thought you could do about $2,000 a month.) You need an emergency fund!!!
I will be willing to email you assignments and such to help you with your budget (I am no expert, but can help you stay accountable.)
joshuasmiles@msn.com
You may not be losing your job, but do you realize that most people today, with the new economic reality, start losing their jobs as they near 50. The odds of you being laid off due to your age by the time you hit 49, just 17 more years away are very, very high.
You just have 17 years to get your act together, get rid of the debt and start savings for your end-of-working life. How much do you have saved in retirement?
Duh?
Everytime you go out drinking with your friends, know that within 20 years, you'll be joining these same friends on the food pantry line. Next time you knock over a beer, re-picture the same image in your mind with a side of sloppy joes on white bread. I just came from a senior food lunch room (55+ and over) because I was doing a human interest story.
Want me to rattle off what some of those 'seniors' told me? Ain't too pretty. One woman was thankful her own sun died because she got his IRA's. Otherwise, she'd be on the streets. Nice. Very nice.
Cut up the cards, talk to your wife, get real, what joy could you be possibly living if you are spending your nights up worrying about money and the lack thereof?
Work hard and save, save, save. You do not have a lot of time.
Looks like you're getting serious! I think it's great. As I've said many times - you can do this! Just keep your eye on your goal.
I also agree you should get the wife involved - maybe revealing the scary total to her will get her right on board.
We are all here to root for you!
Not telling her might 'make things worse', but NOT telling her will not make things better.
Every first step is hard, but it is a step that must be taken if you want to take your finances by the reign.
You've got to tell your wife what's going on...she's not a child, you are not her dad. You can't make a change without some teamwork and accountability.
I hope this is a turnaround for you. Like you said, you've done it before...do it again, and make it the last time!
I agree with cutting the cards, though I do have one in case I have an emergency more expensive than $1,000. And I was glad to have it when my debit card got stolen so that I could pay bills for a week while I waited for the new one. Cut up all but one and talk to your wife!!! Good luck!
Doesn't the wife have access to the accounts? How can she not know how much you're both spending? Eek!
No more partying, sir! I know it's easier said than done. Or if you have to... find out what's on special the nights you go out. Find a cheaper place to drink, something! :(
Also, I like to go out too...but you gotta stop buying drinks for other people and going crazy. Drink slowly, hit up a happy hour, drink a glass of water between drinks. I am the queen of happy hour! No, it doesn't last until 5am, but it's fun and WAY cheaper if you can find a good one.
Ronnie!
Hey girl, she doesn't want to be involved with the accounts and finances... she says all she needs is a credit card and check card :(
I think I'm afraid to tell her since it could open another can of worms lol
HS
Does she read this blog?! Take her cards away from her! Did she marry you for your money? Is she younger? :(
I'm so confused, maybe because I'm not married, though!
No she does not read or even know about this blog! we met in college and she did not marry me for my money LOL... I can however cook and do laudry...
She's more just living life, like me likes to drink, go out, eat out, have a good time and like me she likes to look good... Juicy Couture and Coach are in her daily outfits LOL..
HS
"there is a difference between interest and committment. those who are interested do things when they are convenient. those who are committed acceptonly results." this may not be a word for word quote but you get the point. Throughout your blog you have only shown interst inbuilding a solid financial foundation.
I understand your wife isnt interested in the finances, but that doesnt mean she doesnt have to be involved. WhaT will she do if you were to die or become completely disabled? I am sure she does alot of things she doesnt like.
when you just live life. Life happens to you and you find your self an a very uncomfortable place and it will be a direct result of the decisions you make leading up to that point.
You can make sacrafices now by choice or later because you Have to.
I feel your pain HS. It's hard. I know. I actually handle the finances in my house and unfortunately my husband isn't on the same page even though I share everything with him. I've gotten better on my end with the frivoulous spending. I want a better life for my children and I want to be able to afford to put them through college when the time comes. I don't want them to have to be in debt when they graduate. I've been saving up money and my husband has no idea that this money exists. I have to tell him that we HAVE no money otherwise he'll want to spend it. :(
Cans of worms suck but sometimes they have to be opened.
Oh for fuck sakes. Who cares. 2 days from now you're going to tell us you bought a $600 watch or something.
Hey! I've never bought a 600 dollar watch LOL!
My current watch, Victorinox Swiss Army was a gift, I believe it is around 500 but I would never spend that much on a watch... it's the 100 here 100 there that get me..
HS
You are making a huge mistake by paying off large amounts of debt only to run it back up again. You need to write down all of your spending for an entire month, your wife needs to also, then see how much you spent in every single category. From there you should make your budget, you have to be realistic, you can not keep using credit if you ever want to be debt free. good luck
tina
HS - You NEED to involve your wife. If not, she is going to spend, spend, spend, and you will let her because you love her. If you truly loved her, you was STOP, STOP, STOP! She needs to be involved. She needs to be a part of the solution, because it sounds like she is a big part of the problem.
Cut the cards, talk to your wife. And look into a bus pass. You can usually save almost 50% by getting a monthly pass. Don't freak out, you can get out of here if you really want to, but you have to do it. And your wife HAS to be in on it. Good luck!!
Wow, you sound like me. I just started a blog to help me become accountable for purchases and I still think I should cut up my cards. I wish you luck and I'll keep reading! Check out my blog if you have the chance. :)
www.twentytwomonths.blogspot.com
Yea there are people out there also that say ther is goo debt and bad debt and although that is true some people get the two mixed up like my friend. She thinks a Mortgage is a good debt I disagree,or the simple fact that it's not really an investments. Not all houses go up in value. I believe being debt free is the way to be.
I just ran across your blog this morning after googling a quote, but was intrigued by your writing. If I may offer some friendly and great advice to you....please check out DaveRamsey.com if you haven't. Although I haven't read all of your blog, it seems like you have pieces of the puzzle, but not a direct "gazelle intense" focus on getting out of and staying out of debt. His website has many layers of information and help. He also has a daily radio broadcast including a Friday "Debt-free" segment where listeners who have become debt-free call in to scream "I'm DEBT-FREE" I hope you will tune in if you haven't and find some inspiration to keep going.
Fyi - Re the bus cost - Do you also pay for a parking garage? You need to pick one or the other. That is where I really save my money. I take the bus all the time. If I do have to drive in, I use the $6 pay lots. Or, the Market Street garage only charges $4 if you park on the roof, and they will shuttle you to your office door. Great deal!
Jess- luckily work pays for parking contract... 150 a month! ouch!
HS
My work gives me the option to pay for a bus pass or a parking contract. It's worth looking into. If that is the case, it's far cheaper to ride the bus. Plus, you get 5 free rides for every 50 with Metro. And I don't know what bus you ride, but at Seton Lake, you can take the 108 bus line, it only has 1 extra stop, and it is only $1.75 per ride instead of $3.75. I have all kinds of ways to save money. Maybe I should start my own blog.
Dang Jess I was hoping you had one! lol
HS
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