Well I didn't really want to have to do this post but it looks like I don't have a choice. We are having issues conceiving and I think I just need to vent. We have been trying to have our first child for over 2 years and no luck, we are officially way past the definition of 'Infertility' - describes couples who have never been able to become pregnant after at least 1 year of unprotected sex (Mayo Clinic). We have tried everything: luck, diets, vitamins, doctors but we can't find the cause. Our egg and sperm just refuse to become one. Luckily there are no issues, the wife produces lots of follicles every month and I have healthy sperm. We might go more aggressive and try other treatments, we've even mentioned a surrogate mother, any takers? $25,000 for 9 months ;).
Then there's the money factor- fertility drugs and treatments are expensive. Each month I get all these bills, 100 here, 200 there. I'm tired of it all, I can't never really predict what's coming or how much. We do have great insurance but that can always change, in fact even income could change if one of us lost their job.
The real reason for this post is this infertility is making me 'angry', I am the nicest person you will every meet. But lately I find myself more upset and in some strange way very depressed. All this anger is not leading anywhere good. This morning I realized some of this anger is turning in to hate, which is leading to 'envy' what others have. I found myself leaving some very negative comments at another blog, a very nice couple who have 10 beautiful children and 1 more on the way. Not sure why I said certain things at the time but today I realized it is because they have something I may never have. It was anger and envy took over. I don't want to say or mention their names, they are not happy with me and I can understand. To that wonderful couple, I just want to say- please accept my apology, I know I disrespected you and I'm truly sorry. I'm working on getting through this stage in my life and I'm hoping one day I can be like you. I've learned from it and I'm working on my self esteem. Again, if you happen to read this, I apologize. I am very sorry for what I said. I want to wish you and your family the best, I will continue to read your blog because of your amazing story (don't worry I won't comment).
To all my other readers, I know you want to hear more about debt and money so come back next week to see where I'm at with all the bills.
HS
Hump Day
2 hours ago
11 comments:
Unexplained IF is a tough road.
My husband and I had IF issue due to female issues. We spent thousands of dollars on surgery, medication, testing, and cycling.
I was fortunate to conceive twins, who are now 8. They were extremely premature, and we just paid off their birth medical bills this year.
We did conceive a second set of twins, whom we lost at 17 weeks, and I had another miscarriage after that.
I tell you this so you 1) realize you aren't alone and 2) know that it is possible.
Anger, grief, envy....all normal. Your over the top spending....probably trying to compensate for what you don't have. Again....not unusual.
Unexplained IF can be so much harder, because you don't have an answer. Not sure how much you have looked into it, but donor egg or sperm may be another path. You have to wrap your head around the concept that you want a FAMILY, not a BABY....and let go of the preconceived idea of BIOLOGICAL.
My heart goes out to you. I spent 7, almost 8 years on that roller coaster.
Mysti, omg... I had no idea, What an amazing story, have to admit I want to cry (but I'm at work) thanks for your input, it is really helpful.
HS
I'm so sorry to hear you two are going through this. Hang in there. If you're not already seeing a counselor to talk about your feelings then maybe one would help.
If that is the same mom with 10 kids and one more on the way, I have to say I have know this mom since high school. They are the real deal. They are not on welfare and never have been. The kids are well behaved and happy. I jus visited with mom in Nov. and already miss her dearly.
The best thing is if you email her and apoligize it will make you both feel better.
I am sorry you are having issues. Maybe you can look into adopting. Also pray and pray and pray. God can do anything!!! And He likes babies.
Anytime you need to "talk"....please e-mail me at mysti1031@yahoo.com. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I would be happy to share our experiences (good and bad) and kind of walk you through what to expect.
This post was very moving. And forgivness is a beautiful thing. So is a sincere apology.
Please do not lose hope. Perhaps God is using this time to draw you to Him. He is the author and creator of life. The doctors can't explain it because it says clearly that God opens and closes the womb in the bible. I obviously do not know what you believe, but I would love to share with you what I do and pray for you and your wife.
You have every right to be sad....angry....hurting. And I don't pretend to understand what you are feeling in this. But I do know what anger and pain looks like and feels like. And it something that no human should carry in their heart. It is poison and it will slowly destroy you.
Sometimes God brings us into these deep, dark places to open our eyes to Him. He loves you. He hurts with you and is waiting for you to come to Him.
Oh and if you knew that couple in person, you would know how forgiving they are :)
So sorry to hear this. I've had a few friends who dealt with infertility and I can't imagine how hard it must be. I hope whatever route you choose gives you peace.
BAH Blogger wiped me out.
If you and your wife are healthy, I don't advocate medical intervention. Instead, I advocate letting it go. The biggest leson in life is that we can't always have what we want exactly when we want it. I believe everything happens for a reason and that includes WHEN it happens. The fact you guys are stressing this is probably not helping. Just forget it. Focus on other dreams. Focus on each other. And keep having unprotected sex when you want- not when the calendar says it's a good time. Tell each other you're going to take a year off baby-making and focus on other things. There's a lot of stuff in your life that can always us extra attention and focus. Strengthen your relationship with some marriage counseling. Commit to putting off active baby-making until you're debt-free. The point is, take the focus off BABY BABY BABY. That's usually when things happen anyways. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from couples who gave up on having kids, decided to go on safari on such and such date, saved the money, and just a few months before the much awaited trip Positive pregnancy test. Or the woman who gave up on the idea of having a baby and went back to school to find out she was pregnant just a few weeks after enrolling. It's kind of like when you lose something, you tend to find it when you're looking for something else-- or not looking for it at all.
I too live in Houston and with my husband been trying to grow our family for over two years. I always wanted to have a large family and first learning that it could take a while was very disheartening. Ever since its been a rollercoaster. I try to do everything right with eating and vitamins but after a while get so fed up at everyone else getting pregnant that I do all the wrong things. Its a very emotional cycle. Some day's I'm ok thinking that I'm sure at the end someones master plan will unfold in a way that I will understand some of the 'why's' and other days I want to bite the head off the next person that says 'hold this baby, maybe it'll rub off' or 'try not to think about it'. I've spent a lot of time reading about peoples successes and failures, the wonderful and the tragic things that go with the responsibility of children. There is so much to learn. The doctor is ready to try some treatment but I'm not there yet. I'm doing everything I can to simplify my life from paying down bills to decluttering the house and flexing my work schedule to maintain my sanity. I'm trying to not waste this time of preparing because I know life will never be the same. I really have no advice for you but just wanted to say, you aren't alone and best wishes.
Hey there. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Just wanted you to know we (The Lover and I) completely understand how you feel. It took us over 2 years to conceive our first child. Lots of loss and heartache there. I know what you mean about the anger.
Just know you aren't alone and it WILL happen for you two.
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